By Deacon Peggy Hahn (she/her), Co-Director at LEAD

It took Al-Anon Room for me to confront myself. I had to recognize the ways I was contributing to the addictions of the people in my life. I’m not saying that I made them sick, but I am saying that all the help I was giving them was, to say the least, not helpful. I was blind to my own codependency.

In her book All The Way to the River, Elizabeth Gilbert describes it this way:

     “How can you tell when you are in a codependent relationship: You care more about somebody else’s well-being more than they do, and/or you believe that you cannot function without them, and/or you believe            that they cannot function without you.

     The codependent’s motto: ‘You break it, we fix it!’

     “The anthem of the exhausted codependent: ‘After all I’ve done for you!’”

If this sounds like your life – stop. Give people their own work. [This is a leadership skill as well as a relationship practice.] Stop rescuing people. Especially if you love them. Take care of yourself by getting the support you need to let go appropriately, and let them (and God) carry some of the work.

I say this not because I’m great at this, but because it is Mental Health Awareness Week and this is what I personally need to hear. What do you need right now? We are all on the path of recovering from life, and we may need to write ourselves newsletter articles!

Jesus repeatedly healed people’s mental health before their physical health. It makes me wonder about the friends in the book of Luke (who may have been codependent) when they dug through the roof to lower their sick friend into the crowded house, and then questioned the way Jesus healed him. 

Why do I equate the forgiveness of sins with our health? I know mental health is more complicated than confessing our sins. I also know that until we let go of our ways of life that are holding us captive, the rest of the work cannot begin.